Finding Purpose

I am sitting in Mendel's chair writing, or let's say compiling some ideas that may or may not become something. I really don't know what is the purpose (yet) to which I am writing this. It would seem, though, that purpose is as hard to find as a good friend… maybe harder.

I emphasize find as it would appear that those born and bred with a sense of purpose – are nurtured to it – see, to understand naturally what some seek with a fine toothed comb (as with friends)

Am I out to figure out how I came to sit in Mendel's chair?! Is it possible, even worthwhile? Or rather am I out to help the world 0 if so, why do I think myself knowledgeable enough to "help" anyone or to teach them lessons? No. It would seem that by looking back I can organize my future better - by looking back, by opening myself to criticism or praise on specific details using my inner voice as a guide 0 I will unravel a tale. This tale is neither interesting nor dramatic – look to Hollywood (?) for that – I can attest they do such imaginative work to kill (or suppress) individual imagination… which in MY experience alters behaviors – habits and attitudes. There. I guess we are talking about my experience then. Currently in Mendel's chair I would say that there might be some possibilities that one might benefit from this – wither by learning what not to do or maybe for just finding out that on the vast journey of life sometimes both the Anchor and the Rudder are but leaving us to the mercy of the currents, and realizing - you aren't alone. Also: there might be a chance to learn something positive to something I did, even by accident. I know that already some might disagree and say that God is our anchor and by Prayer he can become the Rudder as well… If you firmly believe that then while I don't think you will find anything controversial in this book you might find it a waste of time. Really it's up to you. Would you like to know how one soul on a mission to find something - to feel something – ended up in Mendel's chair?

I can say that if you can look at your parents and understand how their love manifests itself in their specific behavior – you are lucky - mature - or have parents you should thank God for.

Since there's so much psychology – or psychologists – out there to blame parents, I will leave that to them. I am not out to blame parents. I am not on a pogrom nor did my parents ever treat me in a way that I can dare lash out against those who selflessly toil to raise kids and maintain an organized, healthy family. Well, I don't really believe the word "selflessly". But those who have taken a leap and have made the choice to continue on in life the way their parents did before them.

To those who really have a family right now that they love: please throw this book out and go spend time with your family.

I have spent too much time with "other people's families" to know that "look in your own backyard first" – look to seek peace with yourself & your family, no matter how hard. From my experience and from mothers of wise people – the umbilical cord can be cut, but there will always be the bond to my parents that no matter how hard I cannot cut. No matter the Anger, disappointment, humiliation and such - i found that by running towards other places of less tension, I lost more of MY identity than I liked. Though rebellion might be quite necessary (and even understandable) once that faucet is open it's impossible to let out enough pressure to fill up the bucket. As the bucket only formulates once we have made mistakes which we can never forgive ourselves the ones we hide deep down and hope we never meet a mind reader… maybe to o dramatic for some but in my case I wish there was some way I could have never done some things - there are some acts – you will know what I am saying if you happen/ed to stumble… that make an imprint on our souls – Life Altering Experiences (TRAUMAS) that need to be dealt with but seldom are – in my case until it was too late.

I am the soul of Galus. I am the manifestation of the Churban. So are all of you lost souls that are still amongst us. To those that have passed – I pledge this book. Maybe we can save One – only One – that's all I want. Maybe as a sacrifice for my endeavors – for our endeavors – we can push One soul back onto its Heavenly chair!!

I would start my story now, but am thinking – perhaps overthinking (another wonderful attribute to hang on my mantle – along with procrastination) some people have BO I have PO (oh well, I tried…) that I would like to focus on a specific time 0 I still have to decide when to start from and perhaps put in effort to bring forth (if I can) the details – which sometimes say it all.

I do thank God that I am sitting in Mendel's chair, and am not Mendel – even though I love him so…