Saturday, January 2, 2010

How to become approachable, liked and eventually a natural leader

There are three main groups of people in society:

1. Those that look out for themselves. 2. Those that look out for themselves and others. 3. Those that only look out for others.

Most of how you deal with others is nurture not nature. I will act a specific way because this is the way that I saw at home and am either going along with it or rebelling against it.

The truth is that if you want people to think that you are a good standup guy (which most people do) then there is a way to do that… If you want people to like you then- look out for them and their needs. The most basic example I can give is: Think about the people you know that everybody likes (including yourself) and ask yourself these three questions;

  1. Is this guy/girl approachable?
  2. Does this guy/girl go out of their way to listen to other peoples issues
  3. Does this guy/girl act upon the knowledge, and actively does something to help.

There are many books about "becoming a leader", "How to lead"… Not all people want to be leaders, but if you are anything like me you want to be liked. Therefore, if you have asked yourself the last three questions- these people are approachable, they listen to others problems(generally just listen without saying anything- trying to solve the issue right there and then, OR THE WORST: show examples of how others have it worst. These people also take the problem home with them and try and come up with a solution to their friends' problems.

This is why they are liked- they are approachable, and more… they DO good for others. I guarantee that if you are having social problems, then start by doing good for other people- not overly good- like knocking on their door at 6 AM Sunday with a cup of coffee in your hands, but rather be there for them.

Why do I guarantee this? Going back to the three basic groups- If you are having social issues (Normal issues, not ones that you need medical help for) then you fall into group one. And you want to move up to group 2, and finally group 3- because group 3 are generally not only liked by all but are natural leaders- as people trust them, listen to them, and want to help them out.

So for all of you out there who are inrerested in making a change, but don't know how… I can tell you that I have made this observation, and implemented it. I am still not the most approachable guy sometimes, and not everybody likes me… but I sure like myself a lot more than I used to, and my phone actually rings quite a lot to go out to different social events.

Sometimes- it's very hard, sometimes I fail, but all in all it's a work in progress…


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