Saturday, January 9, 2010

True Warrior…



How do we deal with pain/loss… or generally how do we do when things aren't going our way???

I can tell you that I don't deal with pain the right way. I have learned to suppress all feelings, and bottle them up.

I know that this can't be the right way, if there is one, but I know that this way makes life all that much harder…

If you are anything like me, and bottle up the way you feel as a direct result of how people have treated you along the way… then please raise up your hand and shout "ENOUGH".

I don't know how to start dealing with issues I have the right way. I am 27 and I can tell you that by suppressing my feelings- by telling myself either: "Things will get better…" or "I deserve it…" my life has become an utter mess.

I became an invalid sitting on the couch watching cable for endless hours, preferring the dark, and shunning from human contact. I came close to loosing all my friends, and I was presented with a decision:

  1. Kill myself.
  2. Institutionalize myself.
  3. Rehabilitate my life in appositive way.

Through help- My family came through, and I was able to pull through a very rough period of time in my life… I was able to look myself in the eye, hold my head high, and be happy.

Of course, like any other story, as I was building myself I took a leap of faith… Invested my time, and emotions in the right industry, but with the wrong people and timing, and ultimately when the market went KABOOM… well so did I. I found myself back to stage Zero- on the couch again…

Only this time it was for two weeks, where I started working for an organization that deals with mentally challenged Teenagers through Adults, and they saved me from the brink… Only now I am on the brink again- Obama in his infinite wisdom, yes I can trash our dumb president without fear of being called racist… truly based on his ridiculous actions… in this coming March there will be a budget cut to the organization, and basically since I was doing overtime- not the only one, but seemingly the only one that got cut completely, has now lost over half his pay, and now I don't know how I will provide for myself mind you… I have come this far to realize that if I continue to be the victim then I will get nowhere… Therefore I can recommend to all of you. If you encounter pain-loss… don't give up. Don't start hating, or getting angry, take a little time that you call the grieving process, and then get up with your "dukes" up and get ready for a brawl… Otherwise, I will and you will find yourself on the couch again…

Unless you are dealing with family, then reconsider what I have to say…

Fight for your right.. Fight for yourself… Fight because you do deserve better… I am sick of looking around and seeing all those assholes with the Bentleys while the good guys are on the bus. Please join the cause to fight the people who have wronged you, also if for no other reason that they learn their lesson and STOP hurting other people…

Don't worry what people will think, the people that like you won't stop… The people that you go up against will realize not to mess with you, as will the world… Suddenly from the corner will emerge a fighter, afraid of none, fighting for my rights… A true warrior. Your feelings will fall in tune as well, I don't feel hopeless anymore, I don't feel sorry for myself any more… I have finally been able to assert that I have a right to exist just as much as someone else…


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